Conflicted

We have all visited the birthing center and I continue to struggle with where to go. The center is a cash pay $2000, which I don't begrudge the midwife at all. But with our health insurance, the hospital birth will cost $300. Since I am looking at being off work for 3-4 months, that $2000 is a big chunk of change. =( But I am starting to have to refuse certain tests and care at the hospital situation and am getting argued with already. I can only imagine what will happen when I want to go home after 3-4 hours from birth, refuse immunizations, etc. So, am I being selfish to pay money just to avoid a fight? I don't know the answer. And we are 25+ weeks. A decision needs to be made this week. Sigh...

On a good note, Karate Baby is moving around like a firecracker in there - lots of kicks, punches, flips and whatever else is going on. =D And I at least have a plastic container of nb and small dipes. We probably won't be in them long but BF poo is nothing to mess with when it is leaking out of a diaper. Ewww! H was 12 pounds by 5 weeks so that is a small size and not newborn. Time will tell how this one will turn out. May have a big baby to start with and not need much of the nb stuff.

I am trying to pray diligently for our old truck to sell. It would be really nice to just have the money and not be paying for insurance/registration etc for it. It is just sitting in the driveway and it is a month and a half of maternity leave for me. I really want God to sell it for us. But I have to wait... on T, being deliberate or whatever like everything else he does. So I pray and try to keep my mouth shut.