Giving Thanks

I love to frequent the message boards on www.hyenacart.com I love to cloth diaper my girls from hyenacart. Of course, one doesn't wear diapers anymore. Three mamas in the last 2 months have lost babies - two died in childbirth and one died in utero at 37 weeks. I read those threads and my heart just cries out for these mamas. Even though G screams and cries (like she is doing right now), I do get to hold and feed my baby. These mamas have empty arms that ache. I cannot imagine the pain. As difficult as it is to have my baby scream a fair amount of the day and have her only sleep in my sling while she is upright on me, I have a baby. I am reminded to thank God for the precious blessing of G, even though life has become difficult and painful again.

When H was so sick in 2005, I would listen to "Held" by Natalie Grant and cry rivers of tears. I am crying rivers again, grieving my loss of a "normal" infant. But God is faithful and holds me through it all... I never walk alone and frequently he carries me when I can no longer crawl along.


Held

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held.....