Thursday, February 21, 2008


I am just feeling sad. Yet another month of not being pregnant. =( I have prayed a lot over the last week or so that God would give me the grace to accept the non-pregnant status. I wish that the want for another child would just go, that God would just take it from me. I have so much to be thankful for and yet, somehow, I want more. It is so frustrating to be "normal" except for every month I am not pregnant. Really stinks, even. But, as I mentioned before, I have so much to be thankful for that I am an ingrate for the wanting.

H is doing well... we are working on the reading and she is slowly getting better. We are doing our number problems on the unbleached paper and that seems to be going ok. She is well right now, playing lots, growing both physically and mentally. T is doing ok, work continues to frustrate him but there doesn't seem to be a lot that I can do with that other than to listen.

I also think that being pregnant would give me a reason to work less. Somehow I think that I need a reason. ?!?! I try to force myself to work extra and then I am exhausted and worn out and don't have any energy to do things with H on the days I do have off. And I don't hardly see my husband. But it frustrates me so greatly when he spends all his free time in front of that stinkin' computer. Seriously. Last night wasn't a raid night and he removed himself from it for 10 minutes to eat with us. He got up to pick H up off of me, we fell asleep on the couch. Then he was back in front of the horrid thing. I am just at a loss how to interact with him so I have given up and I just go to work. It hurts me so much that he doesn't want to spend an evening with us (without the computer) but I can't seem to get through to him. Sorry to tangent off on that but I am just so sad about feeling neglected. He is home, at least isn't at the bar or whatever, but he truly isn't mentally home. If H or I say something to him, he doesn't even answer most of the time unless I raise my voice and point out that we were talking to him.


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