Conflicted

We have all visited the birthing center and I continue to struggle with where to go. The center is a cash pay $2000, which I don't begrudge the midwife at all. But with our health insurance, the hospital birth will cost $300. Since I am looking at being off work for 3-4 months, that $2000 is a big chunk of change. =( But I am starting to have to refuse certain tests and care at the hospital situation and am getting argued with already. I can only imagine what will happen when I want to go home after 3-4 hours from birth, refuse immunizations, etc. So, am I being selfish to pay money just to avoid a fight? I don't know the answer. And we are 25+ weeks. A decision needs to be made this week. Sigh...

On a good note, Karate Baby is moving around like a firecracker in there - lots of kicks, punches, flips and whatever else is going on. =D And I at least have a plastic container of nb and small dipes. We probably won't be in them long but BF poo is nothing to mess with when it is leaking out of a diaper. Ewww! H was 12 pounds by 5 weeks so that is a small size and not newborn. Time will tell how this one will turn out. May have a big baby to start with and not need much of the nb stuff.

I am trying to pray diligently for our old truck to sell. It would be really nice to just have the money and not be paying for insurance/registration etc for it. It is just sitting in the driveway and it is a month and a half of maternity leave for me. I really want God to sell it for us. But I have to wait... on T, being deliberate or whatever like everything else he does. So I pray and try to keep my mouth shut.

Excited

I did visit the birthing center 20 minutes away and am pretty excited. It is a small place and she doesn't push the traditional medicine ways of doing things so much. She wouldn't object (like the hospital RNs and MDs) about Vit K and Hep B if we research and decide to hold off on some of those. Also, I wouldn't be tied to a bed and a monitor. I think it is at least worth having T & H visit with me. I could take H to appointments and those are fixin' to ramp up. T has been taking off and coming home to keep H but it will soon be a pain with every 2 week appointments from weeks 28-36. Not the only reason to do birthing center but certainly makes me think. Also though, it costs $2000 cash to birth at the center. Our hospital birth would cost $300 due to insurance. Our insurance won't cover the birthing center at all, pretty sure of that. So, lots to think about and hopefully I can take T & H over to check the place out next Monday.

H has been playing with the soap in the shower and has been very cranky for about a week. I finally caught her playing with it last night and it was an "ah ha" moment to figure out what had been causing the misery. I am off to bed. Been having wild and crazy dreams and leg cramps a lot lately while sleeping.

Oh my tired old self...

I can only imagine how tired I will be in 10 weeks. Somehow I managed to work 40 hours weekly while pregnant with H. But this time around, I struggle to work 30 (some weeks). Probably because I am trying to school H, cook every bloomin' thing we eat, do park day/coop and spend 2-3 hours outside every day. But I sure am tired. I have a meeting tonight and just don't want to go. I am sitting here struggling to muster the energy to start supper before I go. We did do school work this morning and I baked chippies all morning (8 trays). So at least we have chips to eat. Now H wants more muffins. *drags backside* I explained that I just can't do them until tomorrow. We also need to go up and see T's parents this week. At least it is spring break and we don't have coop or park day. And I don't work Friday this week. Ah, I love the 2 day weekends at work!

I called the birthing center in the next town over and they have their "visitation" on Monday afternoons. I am debating about going next week. I don't think I have anything to lose by going. The midwife will visit with me, talk to me about her philosophies and talk costs. We will see how we are doing on Monday afternoon next week. Something to think about and ponder. I sure do wish the older truck would sell. I would rather cancel the insurance and have the money in the savings account. Guess I should just keep praying!