Thursday, January 24, 2008

New Hobby Business

I did it... I ordered enough beads and accessories to make 4 or so necklaces. Since H and I made the Christmas presents, I found that I enjoy beading. AND with glass, stone or crystal beads, H nor I feel bad or get sick. So, to vent my creative side and attempt to keep myself sane, I am going to embark on trying to sell a few creations here and there. I truly wish that I could sew at home but it would make all of us feel ill so a-beading we will go. ;)

I have had 6 days off and it is lovely. I wish that I could make enough with this little venture to keep me from going to work. But, the travails of making too much money at work is that it is not easily replaced with simply making a few beaded creations. =( If the beading can just fill the need to "do something" and loving colors and making things in addition to breaking even on costs, then we might do ok.

I have to bathe the girl... off to have a great evening!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Cold Here

Hey, wanted to post a quick update here. It is cold, even in Texas. Freezing every night, windy in the day. We met Nana halfway and traded for water and played in a park. It was about 38 degrees and drizzle-y, a wet raw day. But we have lots of water again *and* we got to see Nana. The best part was getting to see Nana.

We miss getting to go and visit family since T and I both work. Since I work weekends, that leaves us no time to visit over weekends or holidays. It has been a long 2.5 years of working weekends... but it has been a long 5.5 years since H was born too. I am so glad she is improving to the point that we can at least be outside a lot. That is an improvement over being stuck at home all the time.

So long from a southern wintery place...

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Tired but changes

I am exhausted. I worked 12 hours yesterday and 9 today... tomorrow I go back for more.
=( The powers that be are changing up the work hours and I am not sure what I think. The afternoon shift will end earlier but the am shift starts at 6am. I don't think I can swing that long-term very well. I am considering asking the medical director if they will let me work 2 12 hr shifts on Saturday and Sunday from 12p-12a. If I did 6 12's and then 1 evening per month, that would get me about 80 hours. I think that is sustainable for us. We are slowly going under with me working 10-11 shifts per month. T and I never have any time together, like a whole day off and we all don't have any family time. I wonder if the work folks will be interested in me working the 12's. My only hope is that the would rather work Sat and Sun am's and be off in the afternoons. My pro's are dependable, routine work hours for me, a weekend off every month, getting home after H is in bed (so my work smellies don't bother her) and so that I can quit doing these crazy Monday evenings. The con's are long shifts and being gone 2 evenings a week. I think the pro's are winning out for me right now. Will be emailing the scheduler this week to feel things out.

Thanks for listening and letting me get the thoughts "on paper."

For family news, H got her first "2 wheeler" today and she is so excited and nervous that it isn't even funny. She was crying, sad and nervous about it one moment and thrilled to have a big girl bike the next. Would be funny if it weren't my baby who is going to be 6 in several months. I can't believe she is such a big little girl. And I am so thankful that she is eating and happy most of the time.

Happy Sunday!

Monday, January 07, 2008

Too Much Work and other Ramblings

Whew! This is the first week that I have only worked 2 days in a while. I worked a lot over Christmas, picking up extra hours while T was off. It left me with very little time at home and then we were out of town at Christmas for 3 days.

H still hasn't gotten all of her presents but she doesn't know the difference. She got quite a bit and we all got to spend time with Nana, Pawpaw, Uncle Burt and Miss Tamar. She is used to not getting toys 'cause she can't have new ones. I remember my family just being together at holiday times and I remember *very* few of the presents at those holidays. Kids will remember the important stuff if that is what is taught to them. I want to teach H that Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for what God has blessed us with and Christmas is about God's precious gift to us. NOT about presents and how much does she get this time. Can you tell that I am passionate about this subject? ;)

This weekend as I was working, I just felt like I hit a wall. I am tired of not having any family time. Not sure what to do about this problem as if I don't work as much, T will still want to play that fool game online. One thing about me working is that he has to interact with H. If I am absent, he is the go-to parent. But since Thanksgiving, he has just been waiting until I get home from work and expecting me to cook supper, clean up and keep the food baked. I am about to volunteer to work evenings just to stop dealing with it. I am totally exhausted from getting up at 530a and working like crazy for a 9 hr shift. I just don't have the energy to come home, shower and stand up and cook. But, for H and I to eat, I have to do so.

Also, if I slow down on the working, we don't save as much. But I am truly struggling with God's sufficiency. Can God provide for us? How silly is that? God has truly sustained Hannah and I over the last 5.5 years in big obvious ways and I question his sufficiency? Will I ever learn? I spent our drive to Austin (going to Whole Foods) praying and being teary. After all I have been through in the last 5 years, why can I not trust more fully? I still struggle with trying to humanly arrange our lives. Truly laughable and yet I still continue to do it. I want to let go and trust but then I start with the "well, I will work a little more and save it" thing and it just rolls onward. I work between 90 and 100 hours monthly. T and I never have a day off at the same time. It really is hard and we have basically no family time. I would like to work 3 weekends a month, ultimately.

Another issue that is plaguing me is that we have been trying for 2 years to get pregnant again and a big NOTHING. Just like when we were trying for H. With my chemical issues, I don't want to go back and be injected with radioactive dye (HSG) to get pregnant. But I am almost there again. I really do want to have a baby but the work thing plays into this again. I can't work this much if we are going to have more children. So, it boils down to the fact that I need to trust God and work less. Not sure what to do about the baby thing... will keep praying for now. I just feel that I let T down 'cause I am so lacking in the bearing children catagory. And when I did have one, look how she turned out! A screaming miserable babe for 4 YEARS!!!

Sigh... can you tell that I have been bottling all this up?