Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Still Struggling and Snow

Something still has all the girls off kilter. I have sorted through things in my brain and cannot figure out what is causing us difficulty. Very frustrating, to say the least. But we had lots of snow today - it actually snowed all day long. I will add in pics when I get some energy. Carrying the little one all day is just exhausting work.

Only a Texas child would wear Crocs in the snow...

Bear lost another tooth so both upper front teeth are gone. She looks so precious.

Lastly but most importantly, my 2 precious girls -

Sunday, February 21, 2010


The girls have been reacting this week. Bear is clingy, anxious and emotional in addition to not eating well at all. Skunk won't play on the floor at all, is much more arm wave-y and fussy. I don't feel good but I have been hurting like I have been chemical'ed since some time in December. We are still struggling with how to keep the washing machine from making them react and I think that is what is causing the problem this week. We have to change out the filters in the big AllerAir filter and we are going to put it in the laundry room and the smaller Aireox out in the living room. Bear usually does pretty good with chemical stuff that isn't inside the house (except the fertilizer) so this probably is something that is in here. Such puzzles... so precious. Nothing beats girl giggles and little arms around your neck. Maybe little boy giggles but we don't have any of those here. Such precious gifts from God!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Better but no food

Amazingly, Skunk has recovered from the insult this weekend in 3 days. I attribute it to recently doing the medicines and the fact that she is doing better.

I tried making custard (pudding here in the US) for her today and she ate a few bites. But then skipped her lunchtime nap and took a short afternoon nap. But no poo and very little reflux (that I can see) so at least the canola oil is better than the safflower or the other ones. Maybe someday? Please God?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Oh Joy...

Oh my, the neighbors have started fertilizing again. Bear and Skunk are both totally refluxing and fussing, clingy and miserable. Of course, Skunk is much worse than Bear. Skunk is not sleeping much at all. We went from nice 1.5 hour naps 3+ times a day and sleeping from 930p-6a to 45 minute naps or even being unable to sleep. And she was awake 3 times last night, one time for about an hour, which is very unusual for her. It makes me so sad. Bear is struggling to eat, I have to make her eat some snacks and supper. She doesn't really overtly reflux but she just tells me that she doesn't feel like eating and certainly doesn't intake anywhere close to normal for her.

I just want to help or make it better but I am praying for endurance and grace to accept what God has for us. I just want to help my girls and knowing that this will keep happening all spring, summer and fall is just too much to deal with. But I have no where to run and no where to go. So we stay... and struggle to survive. God doesn't tell me that he will show the whole path, what he does say is this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Skunky survived the medication and is off her ppi. Her reflux is still flared by our mistakes around here but she is making it. I have to figure out how to start feeding her... am conversing w/ PF regarding this now. The girl grabs my bowl every night and just really wants to eat. But given Bear's history, I am hesitant. But she has to start eating sometime. Sometimes I think Neocate contributes to her difficulties but it keeps her alive.

Catch 22, again.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Sleep returns

Well, Skunk is sleeping a bit more. Back to a couple naps during the day if I don't mess anything up. And she is mostly sleeping at night as well. We have 3 more doses of medicine and time will tell if we can keep her off the ppi for any length of time. I am petitioning and pouring prayers of provision and growth for her. I need some way to get more calories in her - whether I try to up the Neocate or switch to Elecare. I am leaning to Elecare right now but will talk to Fiona about what she recommends. I am truly thankful that Skunk hasn't had the throwing up like Bear did. Each kid is truly different. Lots of variables this weekend and today was tougher than yesterday.

Continue to sustain and provide, Father! I praise your name for your faithfulness to us.

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Not much sleep

Last night was hard. Skunk struggled to go to sleep at all and then I couldn't get her back in bed at 2200. I could get her asleep on me but as soon as I put her down, the screaming started. I tried 3 times to lay her down and each time she woke up. So I slept in Bear's bed w/ Skunk on my chest. I got the blankets all messed up and I was shaking and so tired and cold. But if I moved, Skunk would cry out and wriggle. So I just laid there, cold and miserable until I fell asleep. I didn't sleep well at all and kept waking up all night. Skunk was up at 555a and I walked and sang until 625a. Somehow she is able to sleep in this morning nap, I wish she would skip it and sleep in the afternoon when she is tired beyond belief. Somehow that doesn't happen though. We are on day 5 so hopefully things will be a tiny bit better tomorrow. I am so hateful and mean that no one should have to be around me... wish I could just go live in the woods until my mood improves.

I am praying that God helps me to be thankful for my house, even through the difficulties in the way that it is set up. I am claiming:

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

This is my prayer (probably forever)!

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Another dose down

Skunky has had five doses of the medicine. She is struggling more today, very short naps (or skips them) andl is fussy. Last night she woke up once and went back to sleep til 630am. I am praying for tonight. I can take walking the floor all day but when she cries and doesn't sleep at night, then I get cranky. Sleep deprivation does bad things to me. She is still drinking Neocate though so not refusing, yet.

Give me strength and endurance and make her rest as good as it can be for her and I. Have mercy on us, God!

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Another one bites the dust

Tonight, Bear lost another tooth. This is number 4 for her. Number three is still coming in and so she looks pretty snaggle toothed. ;)

We started antibiotics for Skunk this afternoon. She couldn't finish her Neocate tonight already. I am trying to fortify myself tomorrow for the vomiting to come. It is bringing back bad memories from Bear and I am just crying inside. But I pray and pray that God will be merciful and allow her to improve some - for her sake and ours.

God, please give me endurance, strength and patience. Let me walk the floor and carry my girl close to my heart, just as you do for me. Please hold me God while I cry and grieve. Please be here for me God!