June 3, 1995

Well, today is our anniversary. We have been married 14 years. Lots of ups and downs in those years so far. Whoever coined the term "wedded bliss" is either a liar or wasn't married. LOL Marriage is lots of hard work and loving each other when neither of you deserves it. I am so glad that T is my husband. He is truly my best friend and the only person who mostly "gets" who I am. But neither of us is perfect and there are times where I would like a few hours away. Mostly though I would like a few hours away with him. Between both of us working different hours, the girlie and the computer... I feel that we don't see each other as much as I would like. I think that is a stage in marriage that goes along with having kids though.

I am still pretty heartbroken about Amy. I cry multiple times a day. I haven't taken a nap in 3 days because she had been in the habit of coming in my room with me and napping on the floor by our bed. I just can't face being alone at naptime right now. And it helps me to sleep hard at night because I am so tired. I still can't look out the back door into her room. I think that I hear her collar jingle outside and think that we should go get her and let her in to be with us. I miss feeding and watering her every day. She was such a part of my life for 9 years that I am just wounded. I don't know how long it will hurt like this. I may have an Amy sized hole in my heart for the rest of my life. At least there will be a scar there. Right now the wound is so fresh and open that functioning around here is difficult. She was truly a part of our family and everything around the house, yard and neighborhood reminds me of her. I was driving home from a nursing home today and started crying because the drive home was part of our walking route with her. The hole in my heart is weeping... I love you so much Amy Dog! I love this quote and it is now painful... rather appropriate for an anniversary and grieving a death today.

"Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, love like you have never been hurt"