I know that I shouldn't be angry and maybe it is more frustration than anger. I think that this is just part of my grieving process overall. I had so hoped and prayed that we wouldn't have to have such a sensitive little one again. God has said NO! and I feel frustrated, angry and guilty all mixed up.
I had so hoped and prayed that if I was careful about food and exposures that I could have a happy and breastfed baby. I am so, so, so sad that I can't feed Skunk. We gave her a bath this morning and while I was drying her off and getting her dressed, she was laying in my arms like she did when she nursed. She opened her mouth and I just broke down. I don't want to have to limit her Neocate intake. I don't want her to be fed Neocate at all. But the choice is terrible. She struggles to eat and the reflux is much worse on breastmilk. I cry off and on through the day. I am mean to my husband and Bear because I am so sad. I don't want to be thinking about how to pay for Neocate when all I want is to feed my baby.
I don't want to be like this... I want to be thankful and prayerful, tender and loving.
Please God, shape my heart and make me more like yourself. I don't like me right now, how can anyone else like me either? Please help me God!